Something's Up Origins

The questions that started it all

When I was six years old, I started waking up and contemplating deep, existential questions in the middle of the night.

I would roll out of bed, with my trusty teddy bear (aptly named “Bear”) under one arm and my yellow Playskool flashlight in the other, and shuffle down the hallway to my parents bedroom. In fear of breaking the absolute silence of the night, I would stand there quietly at my dad’s side of the bed and just stare at him, wide-eyed, until his subconscious felt my presence. He would inevitably wake with a startled gasp, and as his clamoring heart rate slowly returned to baseline, I’d whisper: “I can’t sleep.”

And then the questions would start pouring out of me - What is the meaning of life? How do we make the most of our time on this earth? What happens when we die? My father, bless his soul, would walk me back to my room, sit at the end of my bed, and do his best to address my concerns until I felt assured enough to go back to sleep.

This became a habit that continued for months until my parents decided they could use some backup. In the hopes of unburdening their child from her existential woes, they took me to a therapist. She suggested we try a Penny Jar, and each night that I made it through without waking up and running down the hall equaled one penny earned. Each penny was a symbol of my progress in overcoming my fears and feeling a little more secure. In time, the mason jar on the windowsill next to my bed was full, and we all experienced fewer late-night musings on the meaning of it all.

Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto, Copyright: RomoloTavani

While I eventually ceased my midnight interrogations, I never stopped questioning, well, everything. I’ve never stopped feeling like there is profound meaning to so much in life, and that there’s real richness and benefit in digging deeper, asking questions, and seeking more understanding. 

While this is the inaugural post of Something’s Up, this project has been in the works for most of my life. I have decades of journal entries and notes to self that all ask some version of the same questions - Why are we here? What is the real purpose of it all? How do we know if we’re doing it right? Is there such a thing as doing it right? What even is this “it” I’m referring to?!

Spoiler alert - I have learned for certain by this point that there is no such thing as doing life “right”. But I still believe there is value in seeking more understanding, intentionality, and connection along the way. And that’s what Something’s Up will be about - sharing my own personal questions, insights, and discoveries about life, experienced through both the little everyday moments and the bigger life-changing ones. Each time I write it’s like adding another penny to my jar, and I hope it can be for you too - my goal is to offer even a small amount of comfort, humor, or understanding to anyone who shares the same questions and wants to grow and learn together.