This was so good! Really funny but also insightful as I feel like I understand other people in my life a bit more.
I can definitely relate to your husband a lot, definitely more of the relaxed type myself, except for certain things. I do not get the stress about cleaning (I can hear my girlfriend shaking her fist at me somewhere), but I do get the slight guilt about productivity - however only in the context of exercise, substack, and how I never get around to practicing drawing or editing my travel photos. Never about work or social interactions. I never spend much time ruminating - just never even occurs to me to think about stuff!
Reading this my first thought was I don’t know how you have the energy to be Type A, must be exhausting - no wonder you’re tired!
This is hilariously on point - i have a somewhat similar dynamic with my husband, although in our case, he is the one who always needs to be active, and we are both planners. This quote is priceless: “When my husband has down time, he just sits the f*ck down.” Yep, I think it boils down to *not* planning how to be relaxed 😌
I really enjoyed this! I'm more of your husband's end of the scale, but I do find if I'm going to really rest by sitting and doing nothing, if there's one or two things I could do to make that fully relaxing I make sure I have done them. Otherwise I do have the tendency to go, you said you'd call your parents! the whole time I'm meant to be resting. Maybe I'm more in the middle of the scale than I thought!
Thank you, Tom! That's such a good point, maybe if I could just narrow down to one or two quick things, do them beforehand, and then make a pact with myself to truly tune out everything else, it might be easier to lean into a restful moment. I'm going to think about that!
If I had to pick a single piece of writing that describes my daily life to the last detail, it would be this. I’m thrilled to have stumbled upon your publication!
Other than that I am a night owl and my husband a morning person, absolutely everything about our oppositeness is quite like yours. Masquerading as my disdain for my husband’s “relaxed” outlook is my obsessive-compulsive need to stay ahead of myself. I have zero tolerance towards anything that’s not part of the plan, and planning is all I do.
I’m tempted to channel my Relaxed Husband Energy after reading you, although I’m afraid I don’t have the courage to let go completely. But I’m so glad you did; I almost feel the relaxation vicariously!
I particularly enjoy your writing style; it’s such a pleasurable blend of wit and wisdom. Look forward to more from you.
Richa, thank you so much for your kind words, I am so glad you found me too! It makes me so happy to know that it resonates (and that I’m not alone in my ways). I love how you phrased it as “my need to stay ahead of myself” - that’s so true.
Let me know if you do give it a try. Even if just for a day or a few hours .. it counts! I’d love to hear how it goes.
Just curious: has your partner read this and if so, how did he react? My guess: "If I had known that they bothered you so much, I would have put the dirty sheets in the hamper sooner."
He has! He thought the whole thing was funny... he also felt validated that I saw he eventually got it done, and while I would prefer things turned out the way you predicted, he plans to continue to do things on his own schedule!
OMG I'M OBSESSED. Laughed out loud so many times and scrolled past the air mattress photo as quickly as I could.
very funny and I enjoyed it. this coming from a 'not so relaxed husband'. it is not about them, it is about us.
The truth!
This was so good! Really funny but also insightful as I feel like I understand other people in my life a bit more.
I can definitely relate to your husband a lot, definitely more of the relaxed type myself, except for certain things. I do not get the stress about cleaning (I can hear my girlfriend shaking her fist at me somewhere), but I do get the slight guilt about productivity - however only in the context of exercise, substack, and how I never get around to practicing drawing or editing my travel photos. Never about work or social interactions. I never spend much time ruminating - just never even occurs to me to think about stuff!
Reading this my first thought was I don’t know how you have the energy to be Type A, must be exhausting - no wonder you’re tired!
Thank you! And yes... I am quite tired... haha. Glad to see someone appreciates my plight ;)
This is hilariously on point - i have a somewhat similar dynamic with my husband, although in our case, he is the one who always needs to be active, and we are both planners. This quote is priceless: “When my husband has down time, he just sits the f*ck down.” Yep, I think it boils down to *not* planning how to be relaxed 😌
Thank you Martha for sharing! I know, such a novel idea to just rest in your free time! I'm still working at it..
I really enjoyed this! I'm more of your husband's end of the scale, but I do find if I'm going to really rest by sitting and doing nothing, if there's one or two things I could do to make that fully relaxing I make sure I have done them. Otherwise I do have the tendency to go, you said you'd call your parents! the whole time I'm meant to be resting. Maybe I'm more in the middle of the scale than I thought!
Thank you, Tom! That's such a good point, maybe if I could just narrow down to one or two quick things, do them beforehand, and then make a pact with myself to truly tune out everything else, it might be easier to lean into a restful moment. I'm going to think about that!
No problem! I've been trying it myself and have found it helpful!
If I had to pick a single piece of writing that describes my daily life to the last detail, it would be this. I’m thrilled to have stumbled upon your publication!
Other than that I am a night owl and my husband a morning person, absolutely everything about our oppositeness is quite like yours. Masquerading as my disdain for my husband’s “relaxed” outlook is my obsessive-compulsive need to stay ahead of myself. I have zero tolerance towards anything that’s not part of the plan, and planning is all I do.
I’m tempted to channel my Relaxed Husband Energy after reading you, although I’m afraid I don’t have the courage to let go completely. But I’m so glad you did; I almost feel the relaxation vicariously!
I particularly enjoy your writing style; it’s such a pleasurable blend of wit and wisdom. Look forward to more from you.
Richa, thank you so much for your kind words, I am so glad you found me too! It makes me so happy to know that it resonates (and that I’m not alone in my ways). I love how you phrased it as “my need to stay ahead of myself” - that’s so true.
Let me know if you do give it a try. Even if just for a day or a few hours .. it counts! I’d love to hear how it goes.
I’m really happy to have connected with you.
I think I can give this an experiment a shot- a few hours, to begin with, sounds less daunting. I’ll keep you posted. Thank you, Avery. :)
I really enjoyed reading about this experiment. Curious to hear if relaxed husband energy becomes a more permanent part of your life!
Thanks Benedict! I’m definitely trying to incorporate the mindset more .. it’s not easy but I think a worthwhile endeavor ..
Just curious: has your partner read this and if so, how did he react? My guess: "If I had known that they bothered you so much, I would have put the dirty sheets in the hamper sooner."
He has! He thought the whole thing was funny... he also felt validated that I saw he eventually got it done, and while I would prefer things turned out the way you predicted, he plans to continue to do things on his own schedule!